It all began on Monday, April 19, the day after Easter Sunday, when I woke up and read the words on my phone: “Pope Francis, dead at age 88.” I could not believe my eyes, and my heart seemed to freeze for a few seconds.
Having grown up in the early 2000s, I have found the life and papacy of Pope Francis to be both surprising in a good way and deeply loving. I hope and pray that my life and priesthood will reflect the joy and mercy of God that the pope has emphasized so much.
As I drove back to Saint Meinrad that day, I was bombarded with sadness and tears when I thought of Pope Francis, even though I was greatly relieved to know he was not suffering anymore. However, as I reflected on Pope Francis, I realized why his death was causing me more pain than usual. It only added to the fear that I had been dealing with for the past five months: the fear of death!
This fear made me think not only of my own death but also of close family members’ deaths. I dreaded the feeling of this fear so much because when it arose, I never knew what to do or how to handle it. How could I, since I knew that death was certain. I was scared, and it was hard being alone as I drove. I have always known that Christ would be with us in Heaven after we died, but I still feared the initial thought of death. That is the dark, the void, the endless and cold nothingness that we all can imagine it to be.
After driving and dealing with this for about seven hours, I called my grandmother just to get my mind off it and talk about Easter. Knowing she would want to talk about Pope Francis, I called anyway. We wished each other a happy Easter, asked how everything was going, and then talked about the late Holy Father for a few minutes.
Afterwards, my grandmother, always inquisitive about the faith, asked me a question about Easter. I took my grandmother through a little salvation history, and at some point, I said something like this: “When Jesus Christ died, he entered into our death so that we would not be alone or trapped by death’s power. He did that so we could be free from death and finally enter with him into Heaven, as death held no power over him and now would have no power over us.”
At an instant, it hit me! Jesus Christ would be right there waiting for us when we died. Death could no longer be this darkness or void-like nothingness because the light of Christ, Christ Himself, would be there to greet us once more.
I began to cry to my grandmother. She was worried, but through my tears, I explained my fear and why these were truly tears of joy. She cried and laughed with me and told me how glad she was to know that God was revealing stuff to me even in the midst of our conversation.
I told her, while crying and laughing, that this gave me true hope, because I would never need to be afraid of death again, as it would no longer be this darkness or void-like thing that would envelop me but would indeed be the beginning of fully seeing God’s light, the light of Christ shining upon me. How could I ever be afraid, then, in the face of Christ?
Tristan Frisk, Seminarian, Diocese of Shreveport