In the summer of 2017, I was diagnosed with Marfan syndrome, a genetic disorder that affects connective tissue and the heart. My doctors also found out that my ascending aorta was enlarged. My father had the same condition but was not monitored. One day his aorta ruptured, and he didn’t survive. He was 36 years old. With advancements in medicine, I can avoid a similar fate, but I would need to undergo annual heart exams, and it was certain that I would need to have heart surgery at some point in the future.
When I heard this, I was devastated. It felt like a death sentence. How could God allow this to happen to me? I’m a monk, and I’ve vowed to offer my life to Him, yet He still allowed this health problem to happen. As I sat in the silence, it dawned on me: That day, June 23, 2017, was the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. The Lord’s own pierced heart gave me comfort.
The following day, June 24, I still felt upset and desolate. I still couldn’t accept the diagnosis. I attended Mass, celebrating the Nativity of St. John the Baptist. Then, during the Responsorial Psalm (Psalm 139), I heard the refrain, “I praise you, Lord, for I am wonderfully made.” It felt as if time stopped. The Lord came to me and comforted me through the liturgy. I began to realize that despite all the health issues I was enduring, I was fearfully, wonderfully made by God. This is why I am pursuing graduate studies in liturgy – because I firmly believe that God speaks to us through our worship, and through it, He gives us hope.
Fr. Lorenzo Penalosa, OSB, Monk, Saint Meinrad Archabbey